Sunday, February 13, 2011

He'll Never Leave Me

It seems that, for me, introspection is equivalent to pessimism. Whenever I'm "honest" with myself, I invariably point out everything that's wrong--whether it's an internal or external factor. I've been thinking a lot about relationships lately. I've worked myself into such a sad, paranoid corner. I'm so ready to point out every failed friendship, every broken romance that's ever come into my life. I hardly ever default, though, to focusing on all the beautiful ones.

I was reminded of one in particular today.

I'm not really sure how you would classify our relationship. He's the best friend I've ever had, to be certain, but he's also been a counselor. He's been with me through all the ups and downs, and has held my hand no matter how far I've fallen. His love for me has never been affected by mistakes I've made. He's never hesitated to forgive me. He's been constant all the years I've known him, and has never wavered in his principles or affections.

He is kindness, truth, and strength in my life.

He's taken care of me when I didn't have enough sense to take care of myself. He's been there waiting with open arms even when I've ignored him or been blatantly abusive. He's held me while I've cried. There are times when I've come to him a complete wreck, an incoherent, sobbing mess, and he doesn't think twice before scooping me up in his arms and hugging me close until I've quieted. He's tender, but he isn't afraid to correct me when I'm in the wrong.

I know that no matter what happens to me, I'll be okay, because he's in my life.

If only I could explain how I've acted towards him. I have been fickle in my love; I've lied to him; I've dropped him on a dime. I've turned on him in the company of others. I've up and left without any prior warning. I've screamed at him, insulted him, and have stomped on the kind things he's done. I've twisted his words, and thrown the perversions back in his face. I've consciously done things that I know upset him solely for the sake of twisting the knife.

Yet, he's always been there when I come crawling back. He doesn't judge me, doesn't say anything. He just smiles, knowing. He knows me so much better than I even know myself. He forgives me without my even having to ask. He throws away the past, and sets his eyes on our future.

He is so pure in his intentions that I'm brought to tears. He is the most wonderful man in the world, and I love him. I love him so much that I want to scream and sing it from the rooftops. He sets my entire being on fire, and every morning I wake excited to lose myself in him. It's awful what I've put him through, but he doesn't care, because he loves me more than his own life.

He's brought me into his family. He's shown me more tenderness and brought me more peace than I thought possible. I love him, I love him, I love him!

People try to shame me for our relationship, but I've stopped caring. He's the most beautiful thing in my life, and I'll tell anyone who asks.

I'm not afraid anymore.

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